16.9.12

Still

What does "to wait on the Lord" really mean?

I find this so hard. Does waiting on God mean to actually sit there in transcendent meditation until you hear his voice booming like thunder from the heavens? Or does it mean just waiting until you feel like you know something that you didn't know before? I think the issue is that we don't tend to wait around for things that don't have an estimated time of arrival. Buses always have a schedule, even if they are notoriously unreliable. People plan to meet up at 10am and most likely will be punctual. The ETA of life beginning is apparently in your 20's (I am yet to see if that is true - was I not living before? Was I in some delirious imaginary world?), and you can always be certain that if you ask your friend a question, you will get some sort of answer eventually.


But with God, quite often waiting means...nothing. When I was 6, I used to make fairy houses in the garden and then hide behind a tree and wait for the fairies to appear. And I once waited for a boy for quite a long time. But I find it hard to wait on God, possibly because I feel like I don't have any control. As humans, we have this constant desire to manipulate situations to suit our own priorities, and if a particular thing doesn't accommodate that plan then we often ditch it. I certainly do...I gave up playing soccer in primary school because I couldn't stop the ball smacking me in the face at random intervals. However, I think this is a time where I need to literally make space for God. Clear my diary. Clear my head. "Be still and know that I am God."

I am waiting on the Lord.

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