[forgiveness] contrite.

It's hard not to be selfish.

It's this inherently human thing that takes over our souls. In a world that tells us that we deserve the best, we should have the best and what we want is what is best, it's hard not to fall for the lie. Think about it; how many marketing schemes whisper "it's all about you" in our ears? iPhone, iPod, iPad. "Because you're worth it" (L'Oreal), "A Choice for Every Goddess" (Gillette), "You Deserve a Holiday" (P&O cruises)? To top it off, amongst these screaming advertisements there is also this stubborn voice inside of me that says that it's not ok to give up. It's not ok to admit my faults, and it's not ok to surrender my pride.

But then Jesus tells me to turn the other cheek. To get my hands dirty and pick up the broken on the side of the road. To go and sin no more. 

It is a simple choice between life and death. Between love and hate. It is not the bullet that kills, but the hatred that leads to a fatal movement of a finger on the trigger.

And so I am left with this choice...to feel resentment. Hurt. Anxiety. Pride. Stubbornness. Self-righteousness.To revel in t he satisfaction of not giving up.  However, to feel this way, to stand tall and indignant, is at the cost of the person I stand over. 

Alternatively, I have the option to love. To open my arms and kneel on the floor. To ask for forgiveness. To step down humbly, and faithfully lift up those I hurt. 

If I have a choice, to turn away from my pride and to turn to Jesus, and all who He loves. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I talk too often about how broken I am, about falling at the feet of Jesus. But in all honesty, the majority of the time I choose to cling to all my failures rather than admit defeat and fall at His feet. I am selfish and I am proud and I have hurt those I love because of this. But I say, with all honesty and bleeding heart - Jesus is greater than I, and it is in these weaknesses that I can see the power of his beauty, his love, his sacrifice. When I am shocked to find how unwilling I am to reach out to another, I see Jesus reaching out his had to the sick. When I am selfish in my desire to be affirmed and recognised, I see Jesus being whipped, beaten, and crucified. 

This is the meaning of true selflessness and humility - that the Son of God would live a life healing the faithful, and eternity healing the lost and broken.

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