19.4.12

Monsters are afraid of pajamas anyway.

Lately, I've been plagued by fears.
Fear that I am not up to standard. Fear of failure. Fear of loneliness. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of facing reality. I have been all too aware of the monsters hiding under my bed, and instead of sitting up and switching on the light, I have been huddled inside myself, wishing them away.
Biologists tell us that fear is good. That this instinct protects us, equips us for survival, and once upon a time helped us to not be eaten by a sabretooth tiger. If we didn't have this chemical reaction in our brain and this terrifying feeling in our gut, our species wouldn't have survived very long. I think that fear can be good. It gives us a checkpoint for the decisions we make, and allows us to balance the risks we come face to face to every day. But I think I am also beginning to realise that the fears I have been wrestling with, these are unhealthy fears. Monsters that inhibit me from reaching my full potential and pin me on the ground each time I try to stand up and walk tall.


Psalm 3 says, "LORD, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”
 But you, LORD, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
 I call out to the LORD,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
 I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side."


I have no need to fear failure, or loneliness, or vulnerability. Because for me, God has failed and been resurrected in the face of death. He has experienced immeasurable loneliness and rejection so that I will never be without Him. He coaxes me to open up to Him even though He already knows the inner workings of my heart. My fear lies redundant in the face of Gods love. I don't think I will ever fully comprehend this, but I know that next to God these monsters that hide out, waiting to pounce on me as I close my eyes and my breathing softens, in fact fall away, stunned by the light that His presence brings.
And it is ok.

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