16.10.11

To self-give.

What does it mean to give yourself to another?
What does it mean to sacrifice for another?
What does it mean to submit to another?



"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live ... Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Eph. 5:8-21

To live in Christ's body is to submit to Christ's body out of reverence for Christ...

I've experienced immeasurable pain in the past, fighting this. Vulnerability has been my worst fear. Selfishness my worst enemy. And I am still learning; how is it that we confront our fears, open up our mess for the world to see, and place it all at the feet of Jesus in submission and reverence? How do we allow ourselves to be weak when the world shouts at us to be strong? How do we allow ourselves to be loved when all we want to do is earn that love? How do we sacrifice our own desires in order for someone we love to discover their own?

Every single fibre of my soul is created to belong to this community of lovers, yet every single fibre of flesh is screaming out in protest. It hurts to submit, it hurts to support, it hurts to sacrifice. Yet for the good of the body, for the Lord of Lords, we are called to lay ourselves out and be cleansed, to lay our lives down and be reborn. The lay ourselves at the feet of our brothers and sisters, to wash the feet of our brothers and sisters, to hurt with our brothers and sisters.

I am still learning this sacrifice. I am still learning to let myself be loved, so that I can in turn love others. I am learning to hope, to fear, to obey, to submit. I am learning to painfully, slowly, beautifully, be loved, and to love.

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