15.9.11

Imperfect beauty

I feel like I should be a morning person, who bounces out of bed at 7am every day, drinks a healthy fruit smoothie, goes for a run, gets her entire to-do list ticked off by 11am, studies enough to get A+'s in every single assignment at the same time as balancing a perfectly healthy social life. I feel like I should be able to take on 5 200-level university papers without cringing, like I should be able to remember all my friends birthdays, like I should never complain about being exhausted.


Perhaps I would be able to play the piano, or sing beautifully. I would be gracious, beautiful, always there for anybody who calls my name. A perfect friend, a perfect lady, preferably with legs like Jessica Alba.


I would be the perfect girlfriend - kind, generous, confidant, selfless and not 6 hours drive from him. 
I would be the perfect daughter - proactive, loving, present.
I would be the perfect student - disciplined, hard-working, successful.


The problem is...I hate mornings. It takes me half an hour to gather the strength and motivation to get out of bed before 10 30am. I drink my coffee black and strong, and I never eat enough fruit. I leave things to get done for weeks, I forget to pick up my mail, I delay returning my library books. I never quite get A+'s. I neglect my friends cause I am chained to my desk studying every night. The knowledge that I need to do 5 200-level uni papers per semester next year makes me want to run away to Hawaii. And I am always tired.


I can't sing. I cannot play the piano. And perfection is found only in the God I call upon daily for strength.


Why is it that we are so determined to be perfect? Why are we so set on the concept of success? Why am I so afraid of failure? Christ is the one who makes me perfect. In my weakness, I am made strong in him. I am not striving to satisfy Him; I am striving to love Him as He calls me. The world calls us failures...and Jesus calls us to his feet, and out to bring his love to the world he grieves for.


"This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.We love because he first loved us."   1 John. 


O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, harmony.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sorrow, joy.

Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not so much 
seek 
to be consoled as to console; 
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; 
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

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