24.7.11

(vulnerability) the state of being vulnerable or exposed

I've always had a real issue with being vulnerable. I guess, like many other people, things have happened in my life that hurt me, and as a result of those events, I built a wall around my heart...like a scar; a skin harder and coarser than the soft tissue that preceded the wound.

Vulnerable. adj. capable of being wounded or hurt.

“Loving is a feeling that brings both joy and pain to my heart. Joy from being with you, being filled with an emotion so deep and tender that no other feeling can compare. Pain from knowing that I'm so in love, that I'm more vulnerable than I've ever been.”

Jesus needs me to be vulnerable. He needs me to let Him in. But He also needs me to let others in...to let love in. Even though it is painful and scary. He needs me to feel, so that I realise that my feelings are not the totality of my existence.

We tend to think, in life and in our attitude toward love, that our feeling are all that is going on. And so the totality of love is what, how, we feel. 
But to really love someone requires commitment, fidelity and vulnerability. Mother Teresa wasn't always "feeling" Christ's love. She could have given up. But she was up at dawn, every morning, still writing to Him, "Your happiness is all I want."

I am allowed to feel. I am able to rejoice and to mourn. But those emotions do not define my actions, nor do they change who I call upon as the sun rises, who I praise as the sun sets. They will merely awaken my soul to the comforting hands tracing my scars, healing my heart.



"He said:   “Blessed are the poor in spirit, 
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
 Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
 Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
 Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
 Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
 Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
  for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

                                    (Matthew  5)

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