29.5.11

Glass.

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
 so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
 When can I go and meet with God?"
(psalm 42)

We are so broken.
Surrounded pretty people, people who are easy to be with, easy to love. This is my "normal." How is that Christ-like? Loving on the lost, on the odd...its so much harder to do, and its exactly what Christ did.
We are shattered and we are nothing. It's so easy to make the pathetic claim that getting "uncomfortable for God" can be defined as talking to someone different for 5 minutes. As if we are so much higher up in the world that them. So easy to feel charitable and generous by throwing $2 into the hat of a faceless man sitting on the sidewalk, and not stop to smile at him, to talk to him. Jesus weeps for how little we sacrifice for Him. He calls us to testify to the widow, the orphan, the prisoner - literal people, not metaphorical symbols.

A friend of mine said, "There is a spark in you, from the creator of this world, all worlds. All else in us, shimmering glass, misty, clearer and clearer, like silver trumpets at the dawn. As less of you becomes more of Him, the glass that is you may reflect and expand the glory of the spark He chose for you."

I have been wrestling with myself. Weak, so utterly stripped down. I have no idea. And for 8 long months, I have been beating myself up. I have held myself down, again and again, and reminded myself of what I've done, my ugly desires, how perfect my God is and how imperfect I am. But God set me free this week, with Romans 8..."Through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. "For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son."

In my weakness I am made strong.
God, you are so good! This world is so broken. For the first time in a long time, my heart is broken and I cry at the pain I see. I thought God was stripping me down, leaving me naked, so that he could build me back up in to the woman He wants me to be. But He doesn't want to build me back up - he wants to leave me like this, naked and weak, on my knees with my arms around His feet, begging for more of Him.

He wants me to want nothing but Him. He wants me to have nothing but Him. He wants be to do nothing without Him.

The glory of God reflecting and expanding, shining over all His people. It's about loving those who aren't loved. Not wearing shoes just so you can feel some of the pain in the earth. Being weak at Gods feet. Crying because your heart cannot contain the brokeness. I want to feel the joy and the love and the strength of God every day, and I want it to overflow and pour out of me on to every single person I see, I want to not be able contain it, because my flesh is so weak that this joy and love and strength that is the Spirit of Christ takes over and rules my life.

I want to love on the world.
Millions of pieces of the world, shifting and changing, lost and singing out to a Creator who doesn't try to patch them up in to a beautiful glasshouse, but hold them in His hand and sings gently to each and every one, and the beauty that it holds...

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